


Stopgap

by sunbeamruins



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Alec Hardy Needs A Hug, Alec Hardy Whump, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Alec Hardy, Bottom Alec Hardy, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Prostate Milking, Season/Series 02, Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:42:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunbeamruins/pseuds/sunbeamruins
Summary: A slight season 2 AU picking up between the events of episodes 3 and 4 where Lee uses his break in to Hardy's house for more nefarious purposes, and the fall out from said actions.
Relationships: Lee Ashworth/Alec Hardy
Comments: 49
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a pwp one-shot to satisfy a couple of my kinks, and then slowly grew a plot. The last time I wrote smut was over five years ago in a personal cypher in a physical journal. Why now? Why this fandom? I have no idea. Enjoy.

With a small click, the lock opened and Lee slipped into the small blue chalet. After the first time, getting in was the easy part, finding the perfect night when the detective had been alone had been harder. The man he was waiting for hadn't been home consistently for a long while, the house occasionally sitting empty and abandoned. Yet ever since their confrontation several days ago, the occupant had been getting home like clockwork, giving him an opportunity to strike.

Creeping into the house, he made his way over to the bedroom, spotting his prize sprawled out asleep on his stomach. Keeping his steps light, he quietly headed over to the loo, surreptitiously checking the pill bottle he had tampered with earlier, making sure it had been emptied. With a grin he set it down, sauntering over to the man on the bed. 

"Not so tough now," he said to the sleeping form. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he ran a hand through the other man's shaggy brown locks and received no response other than the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He leant over and growled into the detective's ear "You took my life away from me. You stole my wife. What made her stay with you, Alec?"

Lee pulled away and flipped the sleeping man over onto his back. He grasped the edge of Alec's soft gray sleep shirt and began to tug it off. After a short fight against rag doll limbs he gave up and left it rucked up to the other mans armpits, exposing most of his long torso and dusky pink nipples that pebbled in the cold. There were faint bruises on the center of Alec's chest from where he had held the man down with his foot two days previously. Tracing his way down Alec's prominent rib cage, he hooked a finger into Alec's jogging bottoms, dragging one side down far enough to expose a hip. 

"What does she see in you?" Lee asked, before violently jerking Alec's pajama bottoms and pants down as far down as he could in one go. Leaving them tangled around his knees, Lee reached over to fondle Alec's soft cock, peering intently into his face. When Alec's eyes stayed shut and his mouth lay quiet and slightly parted, he took this as a sign to continue. "This is what Claire left me for? Not as impressive as I would've expected. Hoped she'dve had better standards. 'Least it's not as thin as the rest of you."

Straddling his feet, he worked Alec's bottoms completely off, leaving the detective vulnerable to whatever machinations Lee had in mind. Pushing his bare legs open, Lee settled between his thighs. He pulled a packet of lubricant from his pocket and generously coated his finger. Reaching down between Hardy's legs, he slowly massaged it around the tight pucker of his arse.

"You fucked my wife, now I'll fuck you. Shame I can't leave you too sore," Lee said, slowly pushing his index finger in, meeting resistance one knuckle in. Sitting back on his heels, he braced his other hand on Alec's hip as he pulled his finger out, only to push it back in with more force, sinking in deeper. He repeated this process until his finger was smoothly gliding in and out of Alec, no difficulty whatsoever. Pulling it out, he added more lube before bringing two fingers up to his rim. Applying constant but gentle pressure, he just managed to slip them in before some lube dripped off and onto the bed sheets.

"Shit!" Lee exclaimed, leaving the body behind and quickly looking for something to protect the bed with. Pacing back and forth while running his non-slick hand through his hair, he quickly decided to use his hoodie, leaving himself still mostly clothed. Shucking it off, he slid the jacket just far enough beneath Alec to catch anything that might run. Satisfied with his handiwork, he returned to his previous position, this time lifting one of Alec's legs over his shoulder. 

Pressing both fingers against his hole, Lee watched as they slowly sank in, gripped tight by hot flesh. Dragging them out took just as much effort as it didn't seem like Alec's body wanted to let him go. Shoving his fingers back in, he struggled to get them open, scissoring inside attempting to loosen Alec up.

"For someone with such a large stick up their arse yours is surprisingly tight." With just the right curl of his fingers, he got his first reaction from the unresponsive man, just a tiny twitch as Alec's soft cock filled a little bit. With a smirk, Lee repeated the motion, getting both the same small twitch and a tiny bead of pre-come starting to form at the head.

"Interesting reaction. One might even think you're enjoying this," Lee said, occasionally targeting the bundle of nerves while still doing his best to open Hardy up. He watched as the drop of pre-cum rolled off the head of Alec's cock to lay gleaming on the crease of his thigh. 

More soon followed as Alec's cock swelled further, leaving glistening trails of pre-cum across his pubic hair. Slipping a third finger in, Lee decided to double down on the spot, grinding his fingers into Alec's prostate with small circular motions. Alec's breathing sped up and deepened, but he showed no signs of waking. Twisting his wrist to get a better angle, Lee continued his assault, using the new position to grind harder into Alec. He watched as a pretty pink flush rose up on the bits of freckled cheeks visible above Alec's stubble. 

With a light gasp Alec came, less with a splurt that with a dribble, milky white pearls oozing out to join the rest of the fluids pooling in the concave below his navel. This was accompanied by a reflexive and repetitive clenching around his fingers as Hardy's orgasm seemed to make his body want to milk whatever object was currently inside. Deeming him loose enough, Lee removed his fingers and set Alec's leg back onto the bed.

"I can do just about anything with you like this," Lee crooned. He dragged his hand through the mess between Alec's legs before lifting a finger to Alec's mouth, pulling down his plump bottom lip and running his thumb across the soft wet flesh inside, smearing his cum inside his own mouth.

Finally addressing his own erection, Lee unbuttoned his trousers and pulled down his fly. Exposing only his cock, he generously coated it in lube before lining up his hips. He gave a couple of experimental thrusts, catching on the rim as he slid across Alec's hole. Grasping his erection in one hand, he impatiently forced the head into the tight heat.

Alec's eyelashes fluttered as he let out a tiny whine of discomfort, the burn of the stretch clearly rousing him from artificial deep slumber he had been in previously. Lee stilled immediately, holding his breath while partially buried in the other man. Alec tossed his head to the side and slid an arm above his head, baring the long line of his neck, yet did not wake. 

The moment passed, and with hiss under his breath, Lee carefully removed himself. Erection flagging after the close brush with discovery, Lee retreated back to the edge of the bed. Walking back over to the loo, he grabbed a wad of tissues and proceeded to gently dab at the puddle on Alec's abdomen, cleaning it as best as he could.

Refusing to lose the progress he had already made with Alec as he waited for the other man to settle back into less aware state, he nudged Alec's hip, encouraging him to turn over. Settling down by his side, he resumed leisurely fingering Alec, lazily spreading and wiggling his fingers. 

Once he felt it was safe enough to make another attempt at fucking Alec, he swung a leg over the detective's hips and positioned himself above Alec's hole. With as much self control as he could muster, Lee fed his dick in bit by bit, pausing often to let Alec's body adjust.

Finally fully seated inside, Lee let out a small moan of pleasure. If Alec was tight around his fingers, he was a vice grip around his cock. Not trusting himself to be gentle, Lee lowered himself onto his elbows, head even with Alec's. Pressed against the detective, he rocked his hips, barley moving inside Alec, instead pushing him slightly further up the bed. He kept this gentle rocking up, panting his breaths into Alec's nape. Brushing his lips across the soft skin, he could feel the reflected heat of his own breath.

Lifting himself up further, still holding himself only a few inches above the other man, he studied Alec's face, making sure there was no sign of consciousness. Cautiously pulling back out another inch, he slowly thrust back in. When this didn't cause as much as a twitch, he repeated the action. He felt himself brush against the same spot he had toyed with before, now slightly swollen from the earlier abuse.

Lee continued to gradually increase the depth his thrusts, raising himself further off Alec's back with every increment deeper until he was bracing most of his weight on his knees, with Alec's thighs between them. Dissatisfied with his current position, he withdrew from Alec, and dug a knee between his legs, forcing them apart. Once settled between them, he skimmed his hands up Alec's thighs before digging beneath them, prising them as far open as he could. 

Alec let out an involuntary jolt, shoulder lifting off the mattress as his legs were spread further than they should have been. Lee relented, and dropped his thighs at the angle they were, still giving him plenty of room to work with. Lifting his hands higher, he kneaded Alec's cheeks before pulling them apart, watching himself enter the detective for the first time. Holding him open, he watched, mesmerized by the tug and push of the hot flesh he was sinking into. 

Claire had never really let him do this that often, and whenever they did it was always something to be finished as quickly as possible. Ever since meeting the detective in Sandbrook something about Alec had always stood out to him. He knew Alec had had a wife previously, did he ever share this with her? Had she ever bent him over and fucked him open, with her fingers or with a toy? With how reactive his body was like this, what would Alec be like awake? Would he beg and moan? Or bite his lip and hide his face, refusing to let his partner see how much he enjoyed this. But Lee's impatience kept him from following this train of thought further, and he readjusted his hands to get a better grip.

Alec's slim frame gave Lee the perfect handholds, allowing him to curl his fingers around the jut of his hipbones while burying his thumbs into the dimples on Alec's lower back. At this point he wasn't so much as fucking Alec as fucking Alec on himself, dragging Alec's hips up and down to met his thrusts halfway. Alec's hands curled into partially formed fists, and little sounds were being forced out of him with every forward motion.

Burying a hand into the detective's soft hair, Lee pushed Alec's face roughly into the mattress as he used his weight to force himself as deep inside as he could go. The only sounds emanating through the room were Lee's grunts of effort and the slaps of flesh against flesh as Lee's bollocks repeatedly hit against the crease where Alec's cheeks met his thighs, any noises Alec could've been making muffled by the bed sheets and pillows.

Chasing his orgasm, Lee kept up the brutal pace, slamming into Alec repeatedly. Lee groaned as he felt Alec clench around him, the rough treatment having apparently been enough to make him cum a second time. He continued to fuck Alec through his orgasm, pulling out at just the last moment. As much as the idea of leaving a bit of himself inside of Alec without him knowing was appealing, it was too risky. Instead he furiously pumped at his dick, spilling over Alec's arse, leaving streaks across his skin.

Lee sat back and soaked in the pretty picture, spreading Alec's cheeks apart to watch his semen dribble down his crack and his reddened and slightly puffy hole, mixing with the spare lube and slowly start to dry. It seemed a shame to let such an image live on only in his memory, when a photo could capture this moment of thorough debauchery forever. Pulling out his phone, he snapped a quick picture, making sure to capture not only the main event but Alec's sweet slack face in the background as well.

He tucked his dick back inside, and set to work getting Alec back in a presentable state. Using an alcohol wipe packed specifically for this purpose, he cleared any trace of lubricant or his own semen from Alec's backside, choosing to leave Alec's new mess intact as a surprise. It was a struggle to get Alec re-dressed, the limp limbs rendered even more boneless after consecutive orgasms of no help whatsoever. Relieving his hoodie from bed protection duty, he gave it a glance over, deeming it salvageable before pulling it back on.

Turns out a good hard fuck was so much more satisfying than a forced apology. It was only appropriate, wasn't it? It was Alec who'd deprived him of Claire, the least he could do was make up for all the lost time. 

Re-locking the door on his way out, Lee left with a spring in his step, petty revenge fulfilled with no one the wiser.

* * *

The gentle beams of sunlight greeted Alec as he slowly roused from slumber. Wiping a hand across his face, he pushed himself on his elbows, confused but well rested after a night unusually free from nightmares. Blinking drowsily, it took a few moments for his mind to perceive the time displayed on his digital clock. With a hissed expletive he quickly threw off the covers, and rolled his legs off the bed before the sticky mess between his legs made itself known to him. 

He froze immediately, cheeks darkening in humiliation as he realized just why he had had such a restful night. Burying his face in his hands with a large groan, he stiffly walked over to his shower, shedding the ruined clothes.

Cleaning himself as quickly and clinically as possible, he called for a cab while toweling down. Pulling on a fresh suit, he rushed out of the house and into the cab while putting on his jacket, tie still not done. With a bit of luck, he might not be that late for court.

* * *

He had hoped to slip in unnoticed, but a few heads turned as he entered as quietly as he could. Miller caught his eye and with a nod of her head insinuated that she had saved him a seat next to her. He quickly made his way over, keeping his eyes down as to not meet anyone else's gaze.

"Are you alright?" she asked as he settled into the seat. 

"I accidentally slept in, Miller. Leave it alone," he snapped.

"See if I try to care. Knob," she hissed back defensively, keeping her gaze locked on the court process occurring before them.

Alec shifted uncomfortably, unable to find a position that wouldn't bother him. For all of the softness the red chairs seemed to exude, they were surprisingly hard. Blaming the soreness he felt on the long stretches of time he had been made to sit for the past couple of days and having been slammed into the floor fairly recently, he resigned himself to the pain and tried to focus on the proceedings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put more effort into this than the 5-page research paper worth 20% of my grade. ‾\\_(ツ)_/‾
> 
> I swear there's more plot in the second half


	2. Chapter 2

Everything was finally falling into place. They had the pendant, Lee and Claire had been arrested and given their taped evidence, and the South Mercia police department was already on their way to arrest Ricky Gillespie.

"Ellie!"

She turned at the call of her name to see SOCO Brian approaching, plain brown folder in hand.

"Would it be possible to speak with you for a moment?"

Faking a big grin, she ignored Alec's pointed glare. "Sure thing!"

Brian glanced over to Alec, then back to Ellie before adding a quiet "In private if possible."

"Alright." Her grin dimmed a bit and she gave him a slightly questioning look. She turned to Alec and gave him a small shooing motion.

"Don't take too long, Miller. Still one more interview left." Alec turned and stormed off.

She turned back to Brian, noticing an odd expression on his face as he watched Hardy go.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"We were looking into the data on Lee Ashworth's phone when we found something of note."

"That's great! Well then, what is it?" She wasn't sure if her eyes were deceiving her, but it seemed like Brian looked a bit guilty.

"It isn't directly tied to the case," he explained, as he guided her down the hallway towards his office. Ushering her inside, he gently shut the door before handing her the folder he had been clutching all along.

Ellie opened it and glanced inside, only to quickly snap it back shut. Rounding on him, she began her tirade.

"Bloody hell Brian, what the hell is this? You pull me into your office to show me some...some... porn you found on a suspect's phone? This is beyond unprofessional! Who the hell do you think you are?" 

Brian backed away defensively, spluttering. "Christ El, wait! Listen, just – look at the picture and tell me who it's of." He grabbed the folder, and using his hand to cover the most explicit parts, showed it to her again.

Glaring at him coolly, she bent in close to get a good look at the bits of face visible. It was slightly blurry, as the camera wasn't of the highest quality and had been focused on a very different part of the subject's anatomy, but there was just enough for it to be recognizable. 

It was Alec.

Ellie's eyes widened in shock and she snatched the folder out of his hand. "Bloody hell. Does he know you've found this?" 

She flipped the photo around so she wouldn't have it constantly demanding attention from the corner of her eye.

"No. We were hoping that you would break the news to him, seeing as you've spent the most time with him."

"Who knows about this?" she asked, leafing through the rest of the information in the file.

"Currently? Only a few members of the department have seen it. Once I realized it was him we immediately locked the access of the files to a need to know basis." Hands clasped behind his back, Brian shifted his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. "I also took the time to try and verify the authenticity of the photo. So far it checks out."

"Thanks for bringing this to me, Brian. I'll let Hardy know as soon as I can." Mustering up a tired smile, she clutched the file to her front and made her way out.

Walking down the hall, that smile slowly morphed into a tight lipped grimace as the subject of the previous conversation came into view.

"What did he want?" Alec said, pushing himself off from where he was leaning against the wall, waiting with his arms crossed.

"New evidence just dropped a steaming pile of shit on this cursed investigation," she snapped. When his taken aback expression registered, she relented. "I'll talk to you about it later. We have a long drive and an interview to conduct."

With that said, she stiffly marched down the corridor, Alec trailing behind with a concerned furrow in his brow.

* * *

The drive to Sandbrook was unusually tense, with Ellie refusing to look at Alec the whole time. He refused to initiate a conversation, not knowing what he had done to tick her off and wary of setting off her temper, which had been running high since Joe's earlier acquittal.

* * *

Ellie was sitting quietly at the table in the kitchen area of the office, hands folded over the plain brown folder. She kept her eyes focused down, hoping her rage had been tempered by the wait. She rubbed one thumb over the other nervously, not looking forward to the confrontation to come.

"Miller. What was so important you needed us to stay late." Alec stood imposingly across from her, arms folded.

Steeling herself, she looked him in the eye and stated "There was a photo found of you on Lee Ashworth's phone."

His left eyebrow rose upward. "Oh. A photo? I'm surprised there aren't more considering how long he spent following me when he first got to Broadchurch. Was it really necessary to keep me here just to tell me that?"

Taken aback and offended by his rather blasé reaction, Ellie stood up violently, sending her chair skittering back. "Do you have any idea how much this could fuck up all our work if Lee or Claire plead not guilty? You saw how much the allegations of an affair affected Joe's trial! You tore into me for how it looked like I had bribed my sister and yet still you go and do this!"

"Christ Miller, what bloody photo?"

"This one!"

She pulled it out and shoved it across the table at him.

Hardy looked genuinely surprised for a moment before his face settled into a hard glare. "If this is your idea of a practical joke, it really isn't funny, Miller. Actually, I'm pretty sure this counts as workplace harassment."

"This isn't some practical joke. Why the hell did you sleep with Lee?"

"I think I'd remember if I slept with Lee." Hand on his hips, he was pointedly refusing to look at the image in front of him.

"If you didn't then how did this photo get on his phone?"

"I have no idea."

"How can you not know?"

"That's rich coming from you of all people."

Ellie stepped back as if she'd been slapped. "I'm sorry. I've been an absolute terror ever since this morning."

He shot her a pleading look. "I genuinely have no idea how this got onto Ashworth's phone. I never slept with Claire, why the hell would I sleep with Lee? And even if I did, why would I let him take that?"

"You genuinely didn't know," Ellie repeated quietly to herself in mild shock.

"If this wasn't you who made this then maybe it was him? But why this? To embarrass me? Is SOCO looking into whether it was faked?" Hardy rambled on, not quite speaking to Ellie as much as to himself until the last question, which he directed right at her.

Shaking herself out of her funk, she snapped into her professional mode as she recited the facts she had received earlier. "They've given the metadata a preliminary look, and everything points to it being real. There's no signs of tampering with the information" 

She pulled out a sheet of paper from the folder, passing it across the table. "We know it was taken on May 17th at 2:44 AM in the Broadchurch area. If you're so sure it isn't you, walk me through that night until the next morning."

"This was weeks ago, Miller. I don't remember exactly what I was doing that day." He brought the sheet up to his face, squinting at it for a moment before he resignedly pulled on his glasses.

"This was during the trial, right? So if we check Ollie's tweets we can see what was going on in court that day. It might jog your memory." Pulling out her phone, she quickly scrolled back, looking through Ollie's timeline. Alec wandered over behind her, peering over her shoulder to glance down at the phone. "May 16th. That was..." She trailed off.

"The day the prosecution accused us of having an affair," he finished. "What happened the next day?"

"Lucy testified and lied about seeing Joe." She paused briefly, thinking back. "I remember that day! You were late."

At that comment Alec hesitated, a slight flush rising.

Miller pounced at this non-verbal admission of guilt. Jabbing a finger into his chest she advanced. "Ah, something did happen! You told me you slept in! What really happened?"

"Miller, I - oh Christ this is embarrassing." Hiding his face, he took a deep breath before continuing. "I had a wet dream, alright?"

She let out an amused snort before managing to control her reaction. As much as a part of her wanted to tease him about it, on second thought this admission was giving her serious doubts about the whole situation. "Lee approached me in the car park that day, remember? I told you during recess that he paid for my parking and told me you had slept with Claire."

"I did not sleep with Claire!" Hardy's reaction was knee-jerk and defensive, tired of having that accusation flung in his face over and over again.

"Yes, I know! But he didn't know that, did he? That gives him a motive." Ellie looked strangely sincere.

"So you're saying Ashworth broke into my home and did—" he grimaced, "whatever it took to get that picture without my knowledge?"

"He broke into your house! You had me call Brian in as a favor," she said, gesticulating wildly. 

"He stole a bit of mail, Miller. That's a bit of a leap."

"You saw the state Claire was in when we brought her into custody. Now we know that he killed Pippa, but the idea that he might have done something to you is a leap? Claire just confessed to using rohypnol she got from Ricky on Pippa before she died. All of them are clearly no stranger to date rape drugs."

Hardy had gotten considerably paler the longer she went on. "Where are you going with this, Miller?"

"I think you know exactly where I'm going with this, Hardy. If you don't know how the photo was taken then can you at least give it a look and confirm whether or not it really is you?" She handed him the photo again from where it had been sitting neglected on the table. Their eyes met as he took it from her, and he couldn't help but feel the shroud of dread curl tighter at the pity in her eyes.

He broke her gaze, and contemplated the photo for a few moments. "Those are my bed sheets." His voice was dull, face expressionless.

It was the final nail in the coffin, the last straw. If denial was a river, Hardy would've happily drowned in it. But he'd been drowning for so long: in the river, in the case... It was time to leave it behind.

"I need to speak to Lee," he said quietly, hand clenching the photo tightly as he made to leave the room.

Ellie caught his wrist as he turned to go, and gently tugged him back into the room. "The more official information on this we get, the more likely it is for people to notice. And I'm not about to let you see him without it being official after the mess that was Joe's trial."

He paused, then conceded to her judgement.

"Let's go home, yeah?" she said softly, gathering up her things and heading out. She stopped at the exit and looked back. Hardy hadn't moved since she let him go. "I'll wait for you in the car, alright?"

Hardy gave a stiff nod, but was otherwise still. As soon as she left the room he gasped for air, as he had been unconsciously holding his breath. Lee had been unbearably smug when he had confronted him after the surgery, was this why? The implications of the photo were clear, this wasn't just some quick wank over a body, it was a planned assault. 

He felt the panic setting in and his heart start to race, and stumbled over to his jacket. Fumbling with his pockets, he managed to fish out the punch-out packet of pills. He dry swallowed two chalky pills, praying they'd be enough to stop the pacemaker from setting off. Overwhelmed and exhausted, he lowered himself down onto the floor, leaning against the table leg. He felt a weight building in his throat, painful and throbbing with every breath. He clawed at his throat, frantically loosening his tie to try and alleviate the ache. He curled into a semi-fetal position, head braced between his knees as he waited for his medication to kick in.

Once his heart had calmed enough that he no longer felt at risk, he attempted to compose himself.

He felt the tell-tale prickle of tears and viciously fought them down. He couldn't let this break him. They were too close to let this fall apart again. 

The photo stared up at him accusingly from where it lay fallen, piercing through his rational and logical defenses. If this case was thrown out now, it would be his fault. He would've failed Pippa and Lisa again. He would've gotten them truth but not justice, just like how he had now failed the Latimers.

Miller had left the rest of the meager findings from SOCO of the table. He dragged himself into a chair, and forced himself to at least read through them, despite his lightheadedness. Slowly putting everything back into place, he made his way out in a daze.

* * *

The drive back was once again tense, but this time it wasn't quite silent. Miller would occasionally shoot over a worried glance, but seemed content to leave Alec where he was, head pressed against the passenger window, staring out with a hollow look and the plain brown folder held in his lap with a white-knuckled grip.

"What should we do?"

Hardy didn't react.

"You know what might be a good idea? Some advice. Jocelyn should be free tomorrow. We could stop by." She tried again.

The only response was a monosyllabic grunt.

She pulled up to the tiny blue shack he had been calling home for the past half year.

"Will you be alright, sir?"

"I'll be fine Miller. Go home and take care of your boys." 

He watched as she pulled away, not heading inside until long after her car had faded from view.

* * *

Unlocking the door and heading inside shouldn't have felt as foreboding as it did. He halted at the open space between the sitting room and his room. The thought of having to sleep in that bed after what <s>might have</s> probably happened was daunting. He settled for the sofa instead, knowing that while his back might complain the thoughts were less likely to haunt him there.

He was reluctant to let Morpheus take him, flinching awake at the smallest sound or slightest breeze, but everyone eventually succumbs to darkness and Alec was no exception. Exhaustion may have command over his conscious mind, but his unconscious self was reeling.

Vivid images flashed behind his eyes, mind running wild with all the possibilities of what might have happened that harrowing night. He was on his side, he was on Lee's lap, he was on his back getting fucked by Lee, and no matter how much he tried he just couldn't move, only watch. He was no stranger to the sensation, but still groaned at the rough burn from a careless partner. It hurt more than just physically, with every thrust cracking the already broken interior of his spirit even further.

Suddenly it shifted, and he wasn't lying there, he was off to the side watching helpless as his body was tossed around like nothing more than a fancy blow-up doll. The Alec on the bed was just laying there, legs spread with his arms bent up, hands parallel to his head. His doe eyes were open but empty, a vapid expression stuck on his face. Alec ran over, and attempted to wrestle Lee off his other self. Despite his best effort, nothing worked. Lee was as immovable as a boulder, and he pounded away at Bed Alec with the efficiency of a piston. Resigning himself to the fact that he couldn't save his other self, Alec finally had the opportunity to notice the details he had missed in his earlier desperate attempts. Turns out the soft rustle of Bed Alec's hair wasn't his only movement, and Alec stared down mutely in horror as Bed Alec's hardness bounced lightly against his stomach with every thrust of Lee's hips. 

The vision morphed, and suddenly he was looking up at Lee again. It took a moment to process before Alec realized that while he felt it, it wasn't his body Lee was fucking but Lisa's. It was different this time, there was no pain, just pleasure. And this time he could move. 

And god, was it good. 

It had been so long since anything had happened, it wasn't like he had done much since the heart condition and things with Tess hadn't exactly been smooth before that. It had been close to twenty years since he had last been with a man, but it isn't something your body just forgets. Even with the added weight of his brain's best approximation of breasts it felt amazing. 

He arched his back, pushing back into Lee, trying to match his rhythm when— THUD! He was jolted awake by his free-fall off the sofa. 

His fall had apparently upset the nearby coffee table and the folder he had set on it earlier, sending pages from the report Ellie had given him fluttering around him. The revelations from his dream hadn't sunk in until he sat up and noticed the throbbing erection in his lap.

He had been raped, and he had apparently enjoyed it.

For the first time that day, Alec let himself cry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had to hold a funeral for the creative spirit that possessed my body and allowed me to write the first two parts of this fic quickly. This chapter brought to you by my fourth(?) season 2 re-watch and "Among the Wildflowers" by The Hotelier on repeat for _too_ long.

Ellie stood in front of the river, wind whipping the flyaways of her hair about as she buried herself deeper into her orange parka. She hated leaving her kids when Joe could still be around, but she couldn't just abandon Hardy after last night. The guilt from how she had treated him had eaten away at her insides throughout the night, disturbing what little troubled sleep she may have managed. She turned at the creak of the door, Alec stepping out in a fresh suit but with hair still damp. He seemed to be shivering slightly.

"You look even more shit than I feel." That wasn't how she had planned to start the conversation, but that was what came out. The sleepless night fretting over Joe and him had apparently left her brain to mouth filter on a lower setting than she'd assumed. In her defense, Alec really did look like shit. He had lost what color in his cheeks the surgery had brought, and his eyes were red-rimmed and slightly bloodshot. 

"Why are you here, Miller?" He kept his distance, back to the door and hand still on the knob.

"I mentioned it in the car last night. We should stop by Jocelyn's, see if she's got any advice." 

A tentative peace offering, a chance to patch the dings and dents her actions had given their trust yesterday.

He scowled. "It's not a good idea."

"Well what's your brilliant plan then?" 

Okay, maybe not so tentative after all. 

His mouth opened, but he failed to respond. 

"Well, c'mon." She unlatched the gate and headed out with a brisk walk. It took a couple seconds for him to catch up and slip into her pace. 

He was a shadow of his former self, slouched over with his hands in his pockets, defeated and surprisingly fragile where yesterday there was righteous fury and a passion for justice.

How are you supposed to comfort an ex-boss-maybe-friend after what had happened? She let the silence hang as she searched for the words she couldn't quite find. 

"I was wrong yesterday. It wasn't your fault." It wasn't great, but it was the best she could come up with.

"Who's giving the shitty platitudes now?" he snapped.

As much as his comment hurt, it was obviously defensive, and the way he seemed to hunch further into himself let her know she had cut to the heart of the issue. 

"Tell me you don't seriously believe this is your fault," she said incredulously.

"I don't-" he cut himself off, faltering mid-thought. His frown deepened as he kicked a pebble off the meandering pathway up the cliffs. He looked into his lightly scuffed shoes as if they held the answers to the universe. "I just don't understand." His voice was small in a way she hadn't heard since he had told her the blunt truth in that interrogation room what felt like a lifetime ago. "And you're wrong. If this makes the case fall apart then it is my fault. Again."

"That is such shit." 

Her own anger caught herself off guard. She hadn't had long to come to terms with the fact that the bloody arsehole had wormed his way into her heart. She had spent so long trying not to care. The thought that he had taken her own callous comments to heart hurt, but was generally unsurprising. What was surprising, on the other hand, was his quiet admission. It was a kernel of honesty, a sign that the defenses he had slowly lowered over the course of their friendship hadn't come back up.

He broke the silence. "I know this case fucked me over with Tess and all that but I didn't expect it to also do so literally."

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"That thing you do, where you deflect topics you don't want to talk about with dry humor." Even at times like these he would hurt himself if only to try and make her more comfortable.

"Then what am I supposed to do? It's as if everything's changed but nothing's changed at all." 

"You keep living. You don't let it take any more from you than it already has. I'll let you know the rest as soon as I figure it out," she said firmly.

Sometimes she felt like she had been doing everything wrong. Running away to Devon had seemed like the best option at the time, but it had cost her so much. It had lost her precious time she could have spent repairing her relationships with Tom and Beth, building her life back up from the crumbling foundations. 

"I did some research, you know. Looked into what you could do. Apparently they can test to see if you've been drugged through your hair. Brian looked guilty when he gave me the photo, I bet I can convince him to test a sample on the side for you."

Hardy just kept walking, leaving her statement unacknowledged.

"There's no guarantee it'll come up positive unless it's been a repeated dose, but you might as well give it a try," she pushed.

"What next Miller, a rape kit? It happened. It's done," he said gruffly.

"You realize this your life, right? You're not just some bystander. You need to do something, talk to someone."

Hardy's phone went off. Checking it, he let her know what it was. "It's Tess. They've found the body."

"You should tell her," she stated.

"What? No." 

"You're still not on active duty, and she's in charge of the case. It'd be better if she finds out from you."

He ignored her once again, head ducked down. 

"How many people in Sandbrook are going to see that if she doesn't know to stop it from spreading? God forbid the media gets a hold of it."

At this Alec finally looked up, mouth agape. He quickly pulled his exterior walls back up, mouth tightening into a taut line. 

"Fine," he finally acquiesced. He fumbled with his phone for a couple moments, presumably asking Tess to meet up, before shoving it back into his pocket as they approached Jocelyn's house.

* * *

A sharp knock on the glass of her door jolted Jocelyn's attention from the book on tape she had been enjoying. Setting her headphones aside, she made her way over, drawing back the coral floral-patterned curtain to see who had decided to drop by.

"Ah, DI Hardy. I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon. Or you, Mrs. Miller—"

"Ellie, please," she cut Jocelyn off.

"Ellie, then. I apologize for the trial. I did the best I could."

"This isn't about that," Hardy said, warily keeping an eye on the gate. "We are looking for your advice on a separate matter."

"I didn't realize I'd end up with a side business of writing wills," Jocelyn said dryly.

"It's not about that either," Hardy said.

"Wills?" Ellie asked, shooting Alec a concerned look.

"Not now, Miller," he replied curtly.

Jocelyn bit back a grin at the bickering pair in front of her. "Perhaps the two of you should step inside?" She stepped back from the doorway and swept out an inviting arm.

The two visitors made their way over to the plump sofa and settled down. There was an awkward air around them, like they weren't quite sure how to hold themselves. 

Sitting across from them in her armchair, Jocelyn primly crossed her legs. "Well then, what is the matter you'd like to discuss?"

The two went through what looked to be a nonverbal argument before Hardy spoke up. "There's been a... complication in an ongoing investigation and we thought you might be able to offer some advice."

"And I'm the first person that came to mind?"

"Yeah, you're right. This is a bad idea." He made to get up, but Ellie dragged him back onto the sofa and took the reins of the conversation.

"What would happen in court if the lead investigative officer of a case was assaulted by the guilty party?"

"Well, as long as the detective didn't provoke the physical altercation—"

"It wasn't a physical assault," Ellie interjected. 

She blinked owlishly. 

"Then I'm not quite sure what you are asking."

Hardy shifted uncomfortably and clarified the situation. "Evidence has been found suggesting that one of the charged parties sexually assaulted a detective beyond their knowledge." 

Jocelyn brought her folded hands up to her face, and went quietly contemplative. 

"To my recollection, there's no precedence for anything similar, but I'm not specialized in that particular area of the law. I'd suggest distancing the officer in question as a precaution but it shouldn't have any bearing on the case. If anything, the detective choosing to press charges could work to your advantage by showing a pattern of violence."

"And if the detective in question was the arresting officer?"

"As long as the arrest was made on solid grounds of evidence everything should be fine."

Hardy's rigid posture sagged like a puppet with their strings cut. The relief her advice had given was evident in both of them. As nice as it was to know that she had assuaged their fears, there was a serious concern niggling in the back of her mind ever since it was brought up.

"Forgive me if this is intrusive, but is this something Broadchurch as a community should be worried about?"

"It's looking like it's been an isolated incident." Ellie gave Jocelyn one of those large toothy grins that was supposed to be reassuring, yet failed to meet the mark.

A glance at the clock showed that it was quickly approaching the time that she was supposed to see Maggie. Maggie had waited for her long enough, she wasn't going to keep her waiting again. "If you'll excuse me, there's someone I need to meet."

Hardy inhaled audibly, straightening himself out. "Yeah. Sorry to intrude." 

Hardy and Miller once again hovered around each other in an awkward dance, each attempting to guide the other.

Taking pity, she led them out. She stayed and watched them go. 

Despite whatever tension existed between them, they seemed to be walking closer together than before.

* * *

The pair made their way down from the cliff Jocelyn's house was perched on, rambling in the general direction of the pier. Once there Ellie hesitated, unsure if she should follow him now that the task she had dropped by for was done. Thankfully the decision was made for her as she got an urgent text from Beth.

"It's Beth, I've got to go. Will you be alright?"

"I'm always alright," he said, eyes glued to the horizon.

"No, you're not," she said with a sad smile, "but someday you will be."

* * *

Alec picked at the loose threads from the hem of his sleeve. As much as he didn't want anyone else here to witness this, facing Tess without a buffer always hurt. She had an uncanny ability to hit his most tender areas without even meaning to, and he wasn't sure how much of that he could take right now.

The diner attached to the gas station was a strong neutral location, about halfway between Broadchurch and Sandbrook and just public enough to discourage Tess from throwing a fit.

Tess slid into the opposite end of the booth. The sight was heartbreakingly familiar, reminding him of all the times they'd wind up on dates in dingy 24 hour joints. 

"Better make this quick. You've left me with a lot of work to do." It was obviously said in jest, as it was accompanied by a big grin, the one that made her eyes twinkle. 

"Things going that well?" He reached out to nurse the tea he had ordered during the wait.

"We've got the charge sheet drawn up and all three remanded in custody. Of course things are going well. What was so important that you needed to drag me all the way out here."

"It isn't enough that I wanted to see you?" 

"Now I know something's up."

He folded his arms and leaned over the table. "SOCO found something on Ashworth's phone and I was hoping you could help me keep it quiet."

"Thanks, Alec. That's not ominous at all. Sending cryptic texts about needing to meet up and then suggesting a cover-up."

At least the hostility was familiar territory.

Piecing together the file Miller had given him last night from where it laid scattered about had been one of the hardest things he's had to do, but being left alone with his thoughts while waiting for the afternoon to creep slowly by without anything to do would've been worse. 

Wordlessly he pulled the folder from where it was sitting on the booth between him and the wall and slid it across to her. 

She raised an eyebrow and the side of her mouth quirked up before she broke eye contact and opened the folder.

"Well, things have certainly changed since we split up." There was a mocking lit to her voice. At some point while looking at the photo that friendly quirk had changed into a wry twist. 

"It's not—" He took a moment to collect himself. "It wasn't like that."

"We're not together anymore, Alec. You don't need to justify yourself to me," she said breezily, the jealousy and bitterness barely hidden.

"Really Tess?" He couldn't hold in the hysterical chuckle that had been bubbling up his throat. "That's the first thing you think of?"

"Then explain it."

"I can't, Tess. I just _can't._" He ran a hand through his hair, pushing back his fringe. "I didn't even know it existed until last night."

Tess still looked skeptical, but slightly less bitter. 

He changed tactics, and attempted to appeal to any tattered connection they had left or any guilt she might still carry (although he doubted there was much, if any). It was a touch too close to pleading for his comfort, but it wasn't as if he had much pride left to lose these days. 

"Can you at least try to keep this quiet? If the press gets their hands on this I'll never get put on active duty again. I thought it was over, I thought I'd never go back. I can't lose this again," he said emphatically. "Keep me off the case, use some bullshit excuse about my health and being off duty. Just don't let this leak."

"Fine." She looked unhappy but at least she had agreed. "But only because there's been talk of plea bargains."

Good news, but only given as a caveat. God forbid he believes she was actually doing this solely for him. She'd become even more enigmatic since her admission after his surgery. Somehow the fact that a part of her still loved him, just not enough, was worse than her outright not caring at all.

The tea he had choked down earlier threatened to make a reappearance as he realized that she was no longer the last person he had been with. Sure he had gotten close a few times since, but it had never quite worked out, and now that title lay in the hands of a child murderer. The distance between them had always seemed far but for the first time she felt unreachable.

A subdued "thanks" was all he managed to force past the growing lump in his throat.

"If that's all, I've got work in the morning." She started to leave, then paused. "Do you want this back or?"

"No. Keep it." His voice cracked, and he resolutely looked out the window to avoid her reaction. It took a few moments, but eventually he heard her heels clack their way out. 

The cozy atmosphere of the diner that had seemed so welcoming earlier felt suffocating, and with a quickly dropped five pound note he made his way out. A call to the cab company left him waiting in the shadows of washed out neon. 

A streetlamp caught his weight as the waves of exhaustion from the past weeks crashed over him. Dealing with people all day had left him feeling drained, and even sleep wasn't an escape. And now that Tess had been dealt with, there was Daisy to consider, and that wasn't a path he was willing to let his mind tread.

His finger hovered over the send button, the simple DONT TELL DAISY text burning itself into his retinas. He hit delete and climbed into the backseat of the cab. Tess had enough sense to know not to tell Daisy without him reminding her. It wasn't like she had ever been generous with help in the communication between the two of them since the divorce. He let out a soft snort when he realized the irony that this time, keeping something from Daisy would only help her image of him. 

Once home the choice of bed or couch wasn't as clear cut as it had been the night before. 

Making up his mind, he tore the sheets from his bed, striping it down to the mattress. It took a few cupboards to find the spare set, and once they had been located he attacked them with the same vicious ferocity he had used on the first set. Giving up the fight against the fitted sheet, he curled up still dressed in the half-done bed. 

That night he dreamed of drowning.

It was a relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: look if Broadchurch S2 can play fast and loose with the british legal system so can I  
also me: time to read the entire cps website and deep dive into court cases to see if there's actually any legal precedent for anything similar


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao while finishing this chapter i found what motivates me to write: extreme stress  
and ignoring pressing deadlines

It was a tapping at the door that woke him the next day. Blearily he made his way out of the tangled mess of his bed. He raked his brain but he couldn't come up with anyone who'd have a reason to come by. A possibility came to mind and he immediately scowled. 

If it was Ollie he was going to shut the door in his face, questions about the arrests be damned. 

It was Ollie's aunt waiting for him instead, and Alec became self-consciously aware of exactly what he looked like. A hand made its way up to fix his hair into something a bit more presentable, yesterday's suit a lost cause as she'd already caught sight of him. Miller gave a tired smile and wave then pointed at the door, indicating that she wanted in.

"What are you doing here?" He noticed she wasn't alone, having apparently brought the wee lad along as well. 

"Hello, nice to see you too," she replied, pulling the boy out of the pram, then pushing past him and into the house. There was a lightness to her steps that hadn't been there the following day.

"No really, what are you doing here?" He was well aware any connection they had left was tenuous at best, destined to wither without a case despite his desire otherwise. Perhaps it was for the best, as there were better people she could choose to have in her life than him, the soon to be sole member of the ex-detectives club.

"I wanted to see how you were coping." She gave him a pointed look. "And things went well with Beth yesterday, thanks for asking."

At that he softened. It was good to know that Broadchurch hadn't broken her the way Sandbrook broke him. If anything she seemed stronger than before, having solved Sandbrook where he had failed repeatedly for years. Even if things fell apart in court, Cate and the Newberrys would at least have the full story now, and that was all thanks to Miller.

"How're the family holding up?" He still felt the sting of failure from the outcome of Joe's trial. He wasn't sure if asking about them was an attempt to soothe the sting or more needless self-flagellation. 

"They're doing about as well as can be expected," she said, bouncing Fred on her hip.

"And Joe?" It was clear that something must have happened, there was no way that Ellie would be even close to cheery otherwise. 

"He's been dealt with," she said, big brown eyes both sincere and firm.

He gave a small bob of his head, accepting her word at face value. Ellie's statement was vague and ominous enough for him to not press the issue. 

The silence lingered. 

Shuffling around a bit, Ellie spoke up. 

"Case is about as wrapped up as it's going to be. What do you plan to do now?" she asked, and for the first time she seemed off-balance, nowhere near as self-assured as she had been when she had first barged in with Fred. He'd spent enough time with her to pick up the change, despite how subtle it was. There seemed to be an answer she was hoping for but he couldn't for the life of him figure it out. The truth, then. 

"I don't know." While a few weeks ago he would've tried to move on, he was too tired to try starting over again.

"Staying here then?"

He gave a noncommittal shrug. 

For the first time she seemed to notice the state he was in. A hint of an embarrassed flush rose in her cheeks. 

"Well I'll, ah, leave you to it."

"You don't—" The words came out before he fully processed them "have to."

Miller paused, halfway out the door. "I ... No." She gave him another sad smile. "We don't work like that."

She continued to pack Fred back into the pram, and he did his best to hide his disappointment. Just as he began to move back into the house, contemplating a shower now that he was up, Miller's voice floated in after him.

"See you around?" 

He didn't turn around, but gave a small nod anyway. He'd seen enough people leave, and he'd rather not add Miller to that list, even if it meant just not watching her go.

* * *

The rest of the time leading up to the Sandbrook court date passed by in a haze. The conclusion of the Broadchurch trial meant he was back to the same soul-sucking monotony of teaching routine protocol. Days filled with work and nights haunted in the house.

Certain days were clearer than others, mainly due to Miller's presence. It was nowhere near as constant as it was during their off-the-books investigation, yet still noteworthy. While conversation between them had been awkward and stilted at first, trial and error produced some topics to discuss, usually in the form of updates on the force and small town gossip. He was well aware that she could spend her time on so many better things than him, but couldn't bring himself to force her away like everyone else. Instead he was pathetically grateful for every moment he could snatch from the apathetic wave that washed over him whenever she was gone.

She was there the day they sent off the envelope with the lock of hair she had snipped from behind his ear, and the day they had gotten the negative result. He remembered feeling numb while Miller's smiley face had crumpled. The letter was hastily shoved back into its envelope, and the envelope shoved into the furthest recesses of the cabinet filled with the rest of the mail waiting to be shredded.

There were days he spent at the cottage once it had been cleared by SOCO in an attempt to run from the memories of Lee, only to fail. He let the lease expire as its purpose had passed. 

There was a notable weekend where Miller dragged him flat searching, determined to get him out of the "depressing blue shack". Despite some nice offerings, none of them felt right. At his darkest points he considered there to be a kinship between himself and the shack, after all he wasn't the only thing violated that night. 

It felt like his whole life was on pause, waiting for resolution from events out of his control. Waiting to be let back on the force. Waiting for his name to be cleared. 

Waiting to go home, wherever that was. 

Calls from Daisy were also becoming a recurring event, bright stars constant enough to map out a constellation. As thrilled as he was to hear from her, every conversation reminded him of how little he had to tell her, other than all the secrets he'd sworn to take to his then-rapidly approaching grave. She hadn't mentioned anything about the case, so Tess had kept the file close to her chest. Small mercies. Daisy was his no question, with a stubborn streak a mile wide. If she had any clue, she would hound him like a dog after a bone. 

Almost everyone who knew about the picture had fallen into an unspoken agreement to not mention it. Miller was the only one who wouldn't let it go. 

It all cumulated into one large late-night argument. She had been over, Tom at a friend's house, Fred left with Beth. They had been sharing a bottle of wine, an indulgence he hadn't been able to partake in since before the operation. Ellie was rambling on about the latest news from the station as he soaked in her presence. The conversation took a turn when she slipped in another suggestion about seeing a therapist if he was still so insistent on not reporting anything.

"I'm not your next project Miller, either stop going on about it or get out." As much as he'd like to blame his reaction on the alcohol, he knew it had been a long time coming. He loved having her around, but it shouldn't be from some misplaced sense of duty or obligation. It was bad enough he had indulged in it this long.

"Is that what you think this is?" She looked properly angry. 

"That's what Sandbrook was. I know I'm a loose end, but you don't need to stick around." If pushing people away was a skill, Alec could add it to his resume. Luckily Ellie's stubbornness came in equal measure.

"Don't you dare make this about me. At least I'm trying to move on."

"Then why've you been hanging about."

"Because you're my friend." Her outburst was the first verbal recognition either of them had given what their relationship had evolved into, and left them both a bit shaken. He looked at her, and then quickly away. Neither wanted to acknowledge the words that had been left hanging in the air. 

Possible responses raced through his head and were discarded just as quickly, and he was left unbecomingly gawping at her. He settled for a small "Thanks, Miller." 

"Don't know what I expected," she huffed to herself, punctuated with an eye-roll. She drained her wine glass, refilling it before launching back into their previous conversation. 

It was this argument, combined with the negative result that got her to finally drop the subject. Although it wasn't necessarily talked about anymore, he still occasionally caught Ellie giving him these looks, face screwed up in contemplation as if he were a puzzle to solve. They made him want to crawl out of his skin, uncomfortably over-exposed under her gaze. Bad enough she'd seen the photo, he'd also told her the state he'd woken up in. It was only a matter of time before she connected the dots, and became as disgusted with him as he was with himself.

Hours of sensitivity training had taught him how to properly respond to rape victims, but all the knowledge in the world couldn't help. Filing himself under that label wavered on the worst days. He was finding out the hard way the fundamental disconnect between theory and application. 

Every day felt like both an eternity and no time at all. His one solace was that this time there was an end in sight.

* * *

The pressed suit laid out the night before was to be his suit of armor. He donned it with all the solemnity of a condemned man on death's row. There wasn't much to be done with his hair, but the overgrown stubble could be trimmed into something more presentable. Despite having been told repeatedly that presence at court was unnecessary, he needed to be there. The specters of Pippa and Lisa, dogging his every step like a shadow, needed to be laid to rest. 

He desperately wished for the freedom of a car, to just turn off his brain and focus on the road the entire way up to Sandbrook. But this was not to be, as the shack lacked the space to accommodate a car, and the paperwork to re-apply for his driving license had been sitting filled out on his table for weeks, waiting to be sent in. 

It would've been too late anyway, as Miller had stated that she'd be giving him a ride up soon after they'd been told the court date. There were battles that weren't worth fighting, but this was one he sorely regretted surrendering. 

While a drive was out of reach, a walk wasn't. The trek up to Miller's place was enough to expend most of his nervous energy, legs burning from the exertion he wouldn't have been able to handle just a few months ago. He'd never been much of a morning person, but the break of dawn was a welcoming sight after his many restless nights. 

The streets were empty save some locals about, walking their dogs. They didn't quite cross the street to avoid him, but he was well aware of his status as a pariah. The outcome of the Broadchurch trial and the rumors swirling in it's midst hadn't endeared him to many hearts. 

Alec loitered on Ellie's doorstep, rethinking showing up instead of waiting for her to come round like she usually did. He should've at least brought tea, and there wasn't quite enough time to grab some and still catch her before she left. The hustle and bustle of a full household rushing through routine was loud enough to be heard from where he was, Miller's voice floating out of the window reprimanding Tom for sleeping in. 

His decision was made for him as Tom nearly bowled him over, skateboard in one hand, knapsack slung over a shoulder. Tom quickly blinked through his shock, and called out to Ellie.

"Mum! Hardy's here." The teen skittered around him, and took off down the street. 

"Oh! Didn't expect you to drop by," Miller said, about as cleaned up as he was, pantsuit imbuing her with all of the authority of her reclaimed DS position.

"Felt like a walk."

"I've just got to get Fred's child minder. D'you mind starting up the car?" She didn't wait for his affirmation before shoving the keys into his hands and disappearing back into her home. 

He obediently started up the car, turning up the heat and fiddling with the radio, breath fogging lightly in the late autumn air. He slumped into the passenger side seat, head hitting the faux leather headrest with a hollow thud. The world faded out of focus as his vision settled on a smudge of dirt on the windshield. The nervous energy that had refused to let him sleep seemed to seep out of him, draining away into the seat as exhaustion settled into his bones. 

The sharp click of Miller's car door slamming shut roused him from his twilight state. She didn't bother starting conversation, and the rumbling purr of the engine resonated deep in his chest. Miller, in contrast, was as antsy as he had been earlier. Her knuckles were white where they gripped the steering wheel, and she was more alert than needed for the sparsely populated road leading out of Broadchurch. 

It was clear she wasn't about to calm down fifteen minutes in, and her rabbit impression was getting old fast. 

"The road's not going to disappear," he remarked.

"I know," she snapped back, but her death grip on the wheel loosened fractionally. "How are you so calm?"

A dry laugh escaped him before he could stamp it out. "It's out of our hands. Nothing we can do now."

The pointed look she gave him suggested that she had a different opinion on that, but she refrained from stating what she so obviously thought. It's effect was dampened by her attempting to keep it up while still paying attention to the road. 

"What do you think will happen?" She had her own expectations of today, but Hardy was the one who knew them better, had spent years talking to Claire and Ricky.

"Ricky gave them Lisa's body, he's fucked no matter what. He's smart. Smart enough to keep me off track for two years. He knows a guilty plea is his best option." 

"We thought that for Joe and look what happened," Ellie grumbled under her breath.

"It's Lee and Claire we don't know about. If Lee pleads not guilty that gives Claire an opportunity." He pushed forward, ignoring Miller's side comment.

"An opportunity for what?" she asked. 

"Manipulate the jury. Like she did me. Convince them she was a bystander. Probably won't get off but she could fight for a reduced sentence, perjury instead of accessory to murder."

"So it all falls on Lee." 

Hardy didn't say anything, but a glance at his reflection in the rear view mirror revealed the tightness in his jaw.

"I still think you should've reported it."

"If it goes to full trial it'll get dug up anyway, Miller. Jocelyn said the case won't be thrown out just because of some—" he made a flippant hand gesture, "interpersonal mishap."

"Oh, is that what it was?" Her eyebrows climbed higher.

"Drop it, Miller."

She had done her best to respect his boundaries and not bring it up, but this was getting ridiculous.

"I didn't realize that's what the new terminology for rape was. But then again I haven't been knee-deep in the procedure handbook for the past few months like you've been, sir." 

At the mention of rape Hardy gave a full body flinch. 

"Can't you see how unhealthy this is? Christ! I understand not wanting to report it but at least get some help. Talk to _somebody_ about this. It's been months and the most I've gotten from you is one joke made in poor taste and a million dismissals." Her voice grew thick with emotion as months of frustration poured out. "I know you're hurt. I know you think you're not worth sticking around for. And maybe it's selfish of me to not want to lose you but that's what's been happening anyway. It's like you're slipping away even as you're right in front of me. Just try to get some help. It doesn't even have to be a permanent thing." She was sounding dangerously close to begging. 

"Did all that therapy help when Joe pleaded not guilty?" 

It was a low blow but it worked. 

Miller's outburst hadn't left him unaffected, and both were left clearing the wetness from their eyes as discreetly as possible while sitting only a few feet apart.

A distinctly wet sniffle broke this mutual polite courtesy of not noticing each other cry as Miller wordlessly passed him a tissue.

"Keep them handy for any messes caused by Fred."

"Aye, used to do the same for Daisy." His response was muffled by the tissue covering half his face.

She waited until it was wadded up into a ball and shoved into his pocket. 

"Look at the pair of us. Right mess we make." She couldn't help the small grin that came with the statement.

It got a short wet laugh out of him, which only made her grin grow larger, which made him laugh harder in response. It wasn't long until the two of them were a giggling, crying mess once again. As the laughter faded, he gave her a small but genuine smile.

"Wouldn't happen to have any more of those tissues?" 

"I'll do you one better. Let's stop for petrol and find a loo to clean ourselves up in, eh?" she said, switching on her turn signal and heading for the nearest exit.

Once they were back on the road, bloodshot eyes the only remnant of the previous conversation, Hardy spoke up. 

"I'll give therapy a try." He turned to her and added. "_Only once this is all done,_ but I will."

It wasn't perfect, but it was enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the large delay in update, I kept telling myself that I'd finish the entire fic before I posted again, but I've been struggling with one particular scene near the end for close to a month now and figured I'd get this finished part up already. It's nearly done but I have several productions coming up that might delay it slightly, but that also fits the circumstances that make me write faster so who knows, really.


	5. Chapter 5

The South Mercia courthouse was a familiar sight. The imposing white building was older than the Broadchurch courthouse, cold stone instead of sleek steel and glass. Walking up the steps to the entrance nestled between two doric columns, Miller on his heels, Hardy was brought back to the last time he had stepped out from between those doors. 

Phantom flashes from past photographers, the washed out noise of journalists clamoring for a quote. 

These steps were where his life had been publicly torn apart. Sandbrook might no longer be the sensationalist media frenzy it was back then, but there were still a few hanger-ons. Karen White's cold gaze bored into his back as they made their way inside, no doubt ready to crucify him once again. 

Bloody shark. 

Sniffing him out in his weakest moments from miles away. 

Light traffic and their improvised stop got them there just on time, appointed courtroom announced while they waited to file through security. His feet traced the familiar route to the officer and press section, only to have the court officer gently redirect him to the public galley. From a distance, Tess winced and mouthed sorry as Miller tugged him towards two empty seats. 

South Mercia police and the CPS had decided to prosecute the murders separately, and Lisa's was first on the docket today. 

The barristers and judge filed in, powder white wigs forming a procession to the laid out desks as the court was called to order. The trite lines were announced in a dull voice, workers going through the motions in rehearsed efficiency. It hurt how something so important to so many lives was so casually dealt with. He'd never gotten used to that about court. He may not spend every day catching a killer, but when he did he never treated it lightly. 

The familiar surge of rage that flooded his veins as Ricky was lead to the dock was comforting. That he valued his own freedom over closure for Cate and the Newberrys made him despicable in Hardy's eyes. It didn't help that Ricky's involvement proved that he'd been manipulated and used the entire length of the investigation, a pretty little puppet jerked around, only ever seeing what they wanted him to. There was a bitter irony in telling Miller to suspect everyone while failing to do so the whole time himself.

Thankfully this time there were no unexpected surprises, only a simple guilty plea, and Ricky was whisked away back into custody to wait for sentencing. 

The final smack of the gavel released the court, and it barely had a moment to ring in the air before it was overtaken by a shuffling of paper and people. He stuck close to Miller, unwilling to lose her as they joined the throng of people clamoring to escape the crowded courtroom. It was as if the entire town had shown up. The entrance was packed but Miller managed to lay claim to a relatively empty spot in the lobby to wait in, dragging him along reluctantly in her valiant attempt at conquest.

There was an hour break in the day's schedule before Lee and Claire's case was due in court. Ellie would kill for a cup of tea, any effect from her morning cup long worn out by the drive, and every delay increased her irritability a notch. Tess managed to spot them relatively easily thanks to spot she managed to snag, and awkwardly half-jogged over. Hardy had somehow arranged for the three of them to grab a cuppa during the gap, grumbling something about there only being one good place and how Tess'd be there anyway. Ellie would really rather not, but it wasn't going to be long anyways. If she could stay professional during the case, this should be no trouble. Thankfully the somber atmosphere from the courtroom followed them out, and stifled any casual attempts at conversation past the quickly exchanged hellos. 

In the time it took to submit Ricky's plea, the media swarm seemed to have multiplied, from a few scattered reporters to tiny packs of news crews, all looking to catch the latest update on the Sandbrook trials. The three of them were clearly high profile targets, and as such were quickly descended upon. She felt a small flinch from Hardy as the first round made their way over. 

Poor sod never really got a break, did he. Straight from the fires of Sandbrook to Broadchurch, and now back again. Worst Cop in Britain, while funny, certainly wasn't the right superlative, but if this continued most recognizable might be his to grab. 

Despite her smaller frame she did her best to shield him from the attention while giving them as little as possible, only the occasional "no comment" as they pushed their way through. Hardy didn't even give them that much, determinedly walking forward ignoring the chaos. Tess seemed to have a similar approach to Ellie, also throwing out canned responses clearly coming from some press friendly print-out. The press seemed relegated to the courthouse steps, as the further they got from the entrance the more dramatically they thinned. They were nearly home free before a maddeningly familiar voice called out to them.

"DI Hardy, may I have a word." 

It was the same cocksure big journal reporter that had shown up at Broadchurch. Ollie had complained about her using him for weeks after the case had closed to anyone who'd listen. Serves him right, she thought, for dealing in her nastiness. Their work on the Jack Marshall story had led to a man's death, karma was doing the least it could if being used was the most he could complain about. 

"No, you may not," Hardy said, barely pausing to think of a response.

"Please, let me get you a drink or something. As an apology." That got him to turn on his heels and finally face her.

"Oh, an apology? You're sure?" he asked, his voice rising in pitch. "You're not just using it as a weak fish for an exclusive?"

"I know I've written some hurtful things, but that's my job," the journalist said.

"You're persistent, I'll give you that. But I know how people like you work. I know you'll twist my words and turn something into a story even when it's not." His accent thickened the more worked up he got.

"The families deserved to know what happened. I won't apologize for that." 

"Oh, piss off." 

"C'mon Alec." Tess tugged him back and away from the reporter. The three of them had been slandered enough, picking a fight wouldn't help. 

"Haven't you done enough?" Ellie couldn't resist the parting shot. 

Hardy bundled himself up deeper into his jacket as they continued on. It was no wonder he was so on edge around the press. They'd ripped apart his life with false secrets, who knows how the exposure of the latest one would go. 

Not kindly, at least.

It seemed Hardy was right about the café, as it was littered with faces vaguely familiar from what little time she had spent in Sandbrook's police station. His quality judgement though, would have to wait until there was a cup in her hand. It was a small spot, no chairs, just counters and bar high tables, clearly built for commuters or fellow court goers grabbing quick cups rather than those who liked to linger. The large glass front gave good view of the court building, just across the street and a few shops down. It was an impressive building, dominating the local landscape. 

Warm drinks in hand, the three of them huddled around one of the tiny tables. 

When it seemed like neither Tess nor Alec were about to start talking, Ellie took the initiative. 

"How've things been here?"

"Busy," Tess replied, heaving a sigh along with a smarmy grin. "But in a good way. Collecting evidence once you've already got a confession is less stressful." 

"Oh! Did you find anything new?" Ellie asked, enthusiasm only partially faked.

Everything Sandbrook had been out of their hands since the official investigation had been re-opened. Professional courtesy had allowed them to lead the initial interviews, but all the rest had been in South Mercia's (and Tess') hands. It was less reassuring then it should've been, as Tess was the one to screw up the case initially, but there was nothing that she or Hardy could've done about that.

"Lisa's body didn't turn up much. It'd been too long for forensics to find anything substantial, but they were able to confirm that the cause of death was blunt force trauma, which is consistent with the story we were given," Tess elaborated, swirling her tea with one of those shitty wooden stirrers. "And there's been checking records, of course, which is a tad bit harder a year later, and re-interviewing your new leads formally."

"Well that's good." Ellie forced a smile. Hardy didn't seem aware of the conversation happening in front of him, gaze off into space and miles away, tea cooling untouched in his hands. 

Ellie wasn't the only one to notice this, as Tess lightly nudged Alec.

"We've got one down, yeah?" she commented.

Snapping back to their table, he fixed her with a glare. 

"It's not over," he responded, downing the rest of his drink like a pint before storming off. Both women were left mildly shocked, watching his retreating back get smaller as the distance grew.

The two of them shared a concerned look, and Tess fidgeted with her paper cup, picking at the rim. Ellie started to gather her things, ready to head off after him. 

"How's he been holding up?" Tess asked, surprisingly serious. "Because it doesn't seem like he's doing well." She said, tilting her head in the direction he had left. 

Ellie paused. "Do you really care?" She was unable to keep the judgement in her voice hidden as she followed him. 

Hardy hadn't made it far, still in the courthouse lobby and talking to a familiar willowy figure. Cate Gillespie was dressed in a loose dark blue flower-patterned dress, her gaze sad but strong. The two of them broke from their conversation as Ellie approached, and Cate intercepted her before she made it over to Hardy.

"I owe you thanks, Hardy was just telling me how the case wouldn't have been solved without your work," Cate said, drawing her into their little circle.

"Well if he hadn't brought me on, neither of us would've been able to solve it. He just hates the attention," she joked, playfully nudging him. 

He wasn't in the same agitated mood he'd been in at the coffee shop, but she could tell that it was just a front to be strong for Cate. A part of her whispered how much easier it would be if he kept that same front up for her, but she shoved it back into the dark corner of her mind with the violent thoughts about beating up Joe and the more recent ones directed at Lee. 

"I was just catching Cate up with what happened in court," Hardy explained to her.

It struck Ellie that Cate hadn't been present for Ricky's court appearance. That thought must have shown on her face as Cate remarked. "I couldn't see him again, not after knowing what he'd done."

The news may not have brought Pippa back, but it seems to have brought Cate back from the living death she'd been stuck in. Tragedy would always cling to her form, but now that might not stop her from moving on. 

"D'you have any idea what you're gonna do now?" Ellie winced internally at the question, but her curious nature wanted to know how the other woman was dealing, if only to have a comparative benchmark for Beth. 

"I'm not sure, I never really thought this would ever happen. Everyone tells you they're sorry, and that they're still working, and it feels like bullshit. And now it's not, and it's freeing and it's damning at the same time." 

Alec nodded in agreement. "Don't know what it's gonna be like, living after this is done. It's not something you can just come back from." 

How many people's lives had been irrevocably changed forever? How many families had been torn apart? 

Those questions lingered unanswered as the three of them slipped into moment of introspection, contemplating the past and what a future after that might hold. 

Alec pulled back his jacket and stuck his hands into his pockets, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he realized how strangely vulnerable that statement had come out. He mentally cursed Miller for unintentionally initiating this strangely serious turn of conversation. Pity was the last thing he wanted, least of all from the mother of a dead girl, who held a pain larger than anything that could've possibly been inflicted on him. 

_Crown vs. Ashworth_ rang out from the ancient PA, drawing them in for the last hearing that day. 

Hardy ushered the two of them in before entering himself, seats front but off to the side, close to the entrance. No hiding in the back unless he chose to do so alone, and he'd take Miller by his side over that any day. He'd been so certain he'd never live to see this case back in court. Now that it was happening, it seemed surreal. 

"Are you going to be alright?" There was Miller, ever the worrier. 

"I'll be fine," he bit out.

"Are you going to be fine or are you just saying that?" she snapped back.

He gritted his teeth and didn't respond. Truthfully he didn't know. He longed for the familiar comfort of an interrogation room and the freedom to press Lee for all the answers he didn't have. Instead all he had was distance and silence.

The court rose as both the judge and the guilty parties entered. 

Lee looked different from when Alec had last seen him, spiffed up in a suit with his hair slicked back to look his best for court. But those piercing blue eyes were the same, pinning him in place like a butterfly mounted to a frame. The moment lasted less than a second before Lee's eyes continued to survey the crowd like a predator assessing it's prey, cold and calculating without a shred of warmth. Alec knew he had frozen up, back held as tight as a rubber band about to snap. It was only a light tug from Miller that managed to get him to sit, and it was infinitely more welcome than what would have otherwise been a reprimand from the judge. 

He may not be a firm believer, but he prayed Lee didn't notice that slip up. He forced himself into a more relaxed posture, back easing out of its ramrod shape. That tension was instead directed at his hands, fisting them into the fabric of his pants, hidden by the barricade in front. Miller, ever comforting, laid a hand over one of his without a glance, giving him her silent support. 

The sight of Lee brought back the phantom hands from his dreams, crawling over him, nonexistent yet griping him under his clothes. All of his defenses, built up over these long months, were stripped to nothing. Claire continuously shot glares in their direction, but they barely registered. The heat of her glare was nothing compared to the searing brand of the phantom hand possessively grasping his thigh, burning under Miller's reassuring grip.

The suit wasn't enough; he still felt overexposed, the draft over the nape of his neck just as easily Lee's breath. He tore his gaze from Lee as the attendant listed out the procedure and charges. It was his first time seeing Lee since finding the photo, and it was all that could run through his mind. Those were the hands that stripped me. That's the man that tossed me around and used me. The anger and disgust and sorrow all tied themselves into a complicated knot in his stomach. 

He shifted his attention to the judge, telling himself he wouldn't look over again. 

It nearly worked.

There was a pause before Lee pleaded.

His head snapped back.

"Guilty"

Miller's hand gave his a small reassuring squeeze. 

Claire's plea was asked for immediately after, and went the same way, even if it was said with a sneer at them. 

Lee shoot Alec a small smirk as he was led away, and it all became too much. Alec slipped out of the courtroom, and onto a bench. The space was surprisingly empty, everyone packed into the place he'd just left behind.

He felt the frantic breaths of an oncoming panic attack, gasping for air, before slowly calming his way down. 

It was over. 

It was over. 

It was _over_.

He took a deep breath. He had been carrying this case for so long, carrying the guilt of having failed both families, carrying Pippa. He slowly exhaled and let the weight go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we end, much like we began, with me putting more effort into this fic than another research paper worth 20% of a different class.  
I'd like to thank everyone who left kudos/comments throughout my wildly inconsistent updates, if it wasn't for all of you I don't think I would've made it to the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [on tumblr](https://sunbeamruins.tumblr.com/) I guess


End file.
